I’ve got Ace Frehley, but not Peter Criss

June 15, 2009

Kiss are an absolutely awful band in countless ways. I refuse to buy any Kiss records/merchandise. New records at least. Gene and Paul don’t need to see any more money. Did you know that Gene Simmons’ voice advertising his ‘Family Jewels’ show comes out of urinal cakes in American bars? It’s true. His voice comes out of toilets to annoy you now. He has no shame whatsoever. Check out his sordid website for proof.

Mind you back in the day they wrote a few good tunes. They were catchy and had a few interesting ideas going on despite sounding like they were recorded by chimps playing around with instruments in a dustbin. On the first few records at least. If they had actually released one concise greatest hits album it would have been a pretty good one. Unfortunately they have put out about fifty with some of the most embarrassing pieces of music ever recorded on them (i’m looking at you “Great Expectations”). Having listened to most of the makeup-era albums on Spotify I think I may have found the best overall Kiss record and it is…the Ace Frehley solo album.

His voice isn’t as ridiculous as Gene’s or as funny as Paul’s but i’ll be damned if he doesn’t write far better songs than them! Doubtless Simmons/Stanley were already setting up for the Frehley-less future around the time of this album’s release, watching his drug and alcohol problems spiral out of control and restricting him to a maximum of one song per official Kiss album so they would be the ones making all of the cash.

What’s more, the band sound much better on this solo album! The drummer sounds especially great compared to Peter Criss who used to lightly tap his kit with frankfurters instead of drumsticks. Both he and the bassist on this album went on to play in David Letterman’s house band.

Obviously most of the songs on the album are boneheaded songs about drugs and needing your love, but they are infinitely more exciting than the majority of Kiss songs, what with the great guitar playing and catchier melodies, not to mention the backing bands ability to play things other than root notes at a mid-tempo plod. And there’s nothing anywhere near as disgraceful as “Great Expectations” (it’s so bad I had to mention it twice) or “Lick It Up” to ruin the rockin’ flow/make you throw up all over the turntable. Hear it today!

Ultimate Sammich

June 14, 2009

Toasted Detritus Delight

Preparation time = four minutes and thirty-five seconds.

Ingredients

1x Soft white roll

1x Bierwurst slice

1x Monterey Jack cheese slice

1x Vine ripened tomato

Preparation

Cut the roll in half and toast both halves. Once toasted, butter the bottom, and add bierwurst slice. Slice up tomato and place it on top. Break up cheese and place on top of tomato. Microwave for twenty seconds to melt cheese over tomato. Place top half of roll on top and press down. The heat from the toasted bread will soften the cheese further. Psych yourself up by shouting ‘woo’ and doing a single handclap. Eat.

Hallam Foe

June 13, 2009

I watched the film ‘Hallam Foe’ and enjoyed it very much. I give it four popcorn buckets out of five. I was close to throwing up from all the popcorn. Also my dad brought some 11% Belgian beer back from his h0liday (in Belgium) and that contributed to the slightly queasy feeling.

The film is about a kid called Hallam Foe and how he tries to make sense of the world etc after the death of his mother. You could read that sentence and think ‘aw man this is going to be depressing’ but it wasn’t much of a downer. Thankfully for the viewer Hallam copes by becoming a peeping tom! With entertaining results! The lead role is played by Jamie Bell of ‘Billy Elliot’ fame. I can’t say ‘Billy Elliot’ in anything other than the bad fake geordie accent Julie Walters puts on in that film.

Hallam’s architect dad is shacked up with his former secretary and boy, does he hate that situation. He even suspects that she killed his mum in order to get at the moneys. His sister goes off to Australia to start a new life and he ends up fleeing to Edinburgh. Edinburgh is a beautiful place! I visited it a few times during my brief stay in Scotland and it was fun to watch him scale the buildings and look a bit terrified near the castle in the middle of the night.

Anyway, he spots a woman who looks a lot like his late mother and she works in HR! So he gets a job and then ends up fooling around with her a bit. That whole idea seems pretty weird, and it is. The characters were very believable despite their quirks and the acting was great despite some dialogue that was very cheesy on paper. I think the cheesiness of the script helped move the film down to four popcorn buckets as opposed to five. “Will you still be beautiful in five years time?” is some cheesy crap whichever way you look at it. However in my experience people in actual real life do say things like that. In many ways I wish I didn’t pick up on the cheese.

Giving away anything else would probably be a spoiler so i’ll shut up now. The music featured in the film was great and it seems like it’s almost entirely from Domino Records bands. Scottish ones at that. I’ve been listening to Orange Juice all weekend because of it.

That was my first attempt at a film review. Please let me know how i’m doing.